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But The Greatest Of These Is Love

Lesson #4

FRIEND THERAPY

Intro

1. The following letter appeared in an Ann Landers’s column:

In August of 1991, I was told I had brain cancer, and my chances of living another five years were, at best, 50-50. When word of this leaked out to my friends, two of them began a letter-and-card-writing campaign, and all the pilots employed by our airline got involved. The response was overwhelming. I received stacks of cards and letters every day. My doctors and nurses also let me know that they were interested in my recovery, gave me a lot of tender, loving care, and the treatment that I received from the radiation department where I took my radiation was incredible. And the all-female team in that department deserves special mention for its perpetual smiles and supportive attitude.

My pilot buddies collected enough money to send me and my whole family to Disney World for a beautiful vacation. Surrounded by all that love, I couldn’t help but get better. I am now classified as a cancer survivor, and the support of my friends continues to this very day.

I am convinced that friend therapy can be a big factor in recovery.

2. “Friend therapy” is a new term for me, but I like it.

Encouragement - the act of inspiring others with renewed courage, a renewed spirit, or renewed hope.

This pilot knew what it meant to have people come along side of him to give him renewed courage.

3. There are all kinds of “one another” verses in the Bible---teach one another, admonish one another, build up one another, help another physically and materially, submit to one another, and encourage one another.

a) These are not commands to the pastors of churches.

b) These are commands to THE CHURCH...to the members that make up the church.

c) Some people talk about how they were “called” into the ministry, and I can

relate to that, for I sense God’s calling upon me into the ministry of

Christian education.

But this ministry of encouragement is a calling for EVERY Christian.

4. Could this be a ministry you’ve been called to, but have neglected???

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I. THE MINISTRY OF ENCOURAGEMENT

A. Two Are Better Than One

1. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10...

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow:

but woe to him that is alone when he falleth;

for he hath not another to help him up.

2. Illustration:

In my first year of ministry in Kinston, N.C., I was teaching at Bethel Christian Academy and had what seems like the biggest fight I ever had with my wife. Let me say from the out-set that I was the one in the wrong---no doubt about it. But that’s a lot easier to acknowledge now, some 27 years later, than it was at the time.

I had bought a small motorcycle, a 250-Yamaha, so we would have an extra means of transportation when we needed it. The problem that is was a motorcycle was only half the problem; the other half was that I had bought it without talking it over with my wife. I made the decision as if I were still single.

The house was unusually quiet for the next few days after I bought the motorcycle home. I had even bought Gwen a helmet, but it stayed in the closet at first. During that time I recall going out and riding by myself. This was a small bike, so I found the most enjoyment, not on the road, but on tobacco trails of farms on the backside of nowhere.

On one of those days I was riding several miles out into the country and I hit a hole in the tractor path and fell off the bike. It really rattled my head and scraped my leg and I just sat there dazed for several minutes. I recall thinking, “If something’s broke, I’m in big trouble, ‘cause no one knows where I am.” My best friend was not speaking much to me, and I had foolishly left her home, and gone riding alone.

Thankfully, my leg was not badly hurt (in fact, I did all I could to conceal the spill from Gwen, since no damage was done to the bike either). I got back on thanking God that I was okay and that He looks out for fools.

Two really are better than one.

B. The Ministry Of Encouragement

1. At least 15 passages in the New Testament talk about “a one-another

ministry. Of these 15, five of them deal with encouragement.

#1. I Thessalonians 4:18...

Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

#2. I Thessalonians 5:11...

Wherefore comfort yourselves together,

edify one another,

even as also ye do.

#3. I Thessalonians 5:14...

Now we exhort you, brethren,

warn them that are unruly,

comfort the feebleminded,

support the weak,

and be patient toward all men.

#4. Hebrews 3:13...

But exhort one another daily,

while it is called To-day;

lest any of you be hardened

through the deceitfulness of sin.

#5. Hebrews 10:25...

Not forsaking the assembling

of ourselves together,

as the manner of some is;

but exhorting one another:

and so much the more,

as ye see the day approaching.

2. These passages indicate that we are to be genuinely concerned for

one another in the church.

Look upon these verses as part of your “job description” in the

ministry...for every believer.

3. Someone has said that encouragement is “pouring courage into somebody who needs it.”

*******

II. FOUR METHODS OF ENCOURAGEMENT:

A. By What We SENSE

1. Illustration:

We are often hard on Job’s friends, Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar,

and, perhaps, rightfully so.

But we should keep in mind that these three men did come to Job

in his time of deep despair. While these friends were not a great

source of encouragement to him, they did come to Job with a desire

to encourage him. They sat with him on the ash heap for seven days

in silence. They didn’t say a word.

Job must have sensed that these men really cared about him.

2. Encouragement is something that you can sense. Usually we are aware

of it when a person gives us their undivided attention.

3. Illustration:

Jesus came to visit the house of Mary and Martha. Martha was like

so many of us---she couldn’t believe that the Lord Jesus had really

come to her home; she was out in the kitchen trying to make every-

thing just right for Him.

But Mary simply sat at His feet and focused all of her attention on

Him.

And the Lord said it was Mary who did the better thing.

4. When someone gives you their undivided attention like this, you know

that they are there just for you. For these moments they are not

concerned about anyone else for the moment. They are there for

you alone.

That’s always encouraging.

B. By What We HEAR

1. Proverbs 12:25...

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop:

but a good word maketh it glad.

2. We can be encouraged by the words we hear:

a) A sermon

b) A S.S. lesson

c) The words of a friend

d) An audio tape

3. We’ve heard it before: “No one cares how much you know until they

know how much you care.”

a) There are people who always stand ready with free advice.

In most of these cases we tend to ignore them and

their advice.

b) However, people who have focused their attention on us and

have given us their time, these people we willingly hear.

4. Every year in the Christian school ministry I will come to some

point where I’m down because of some tough decisions that

had to be made. Sometimes the decisions put students out of

RCA; sometimes the decisions make people angry; sometimes

you are misjudged and criticized by someone who would

have “coached” it differently.

It can be a time of discouragement. Every principal worth his

salt has had to face times like this. It can be a lonely and

disheartening time.

But it’s always interesting to see how the Lord sends just the

right person along with words of encouragement. These are

Christians who pour courage back into your heart.

5. Illustration:

During World War II, after Hitler blasted his way across France,

demanding the unconditional surrender of the Allied Forces in the

European conflict, thousands of British and French troops dug in

along the coast of Northern France in a last effort to hold off the

German forces. Trapped on the beaches of Dunkirk, they knew

they would soon be obliterated by the Nazis.

But during that agonizing period, the British soldiers broadcast

a very terse message across the English Channel, just three words:

“And if not...”

Do you recognize these words?

It was a reference to the Old Testament story of Shadrach, Meshach,

and Abednego. As these three men stood before King Nebuchadnezzar and his fiery furnace, they said,

“But if not, be it known unto thee,

O king, that we will not serve thy gods,

nor worship the golden image which thou has set up.”

{Daniel 3:18}

God had the power to deliver them, “but if not...” they were

willing to lay down their lives for God and country and freedom.

These words were an encouragement to those listening that there

were some things worth dying for... they understood that death

did not mean defeat. What a great testimony! What a great time

when words gave courage to others!

6. When you feel like giving up... when your back is against the wall...

remember:

Press on.

Never quit.

God still reigns.

C. By What We READ

1. One of the great tools of encouragement is what the written word.

a) For some people, it helps to simply sit down and write.

Putting one’s thoughts on paper helps the individual think

through a problem, a trial, a situation. It can often

separate the wheat from the chaff, the material from

the immaterial.

I think this is one of the things David used to keep him

encouraged. Consider all the psalms he has written that

we enjoy, but don’t forget that they were first written

to God by him (and often for his own circumstances).

b) The second way writing encourages is to be the recipient of

an encouraging note. Believe it or not, two or three

sentences can turn a person’s life around.

2. Illustration: Shipping Christine off to college was tougher on the

“old man” than he had expected, both in the delivering and

in the dealing once we got home. Around November 14th,

my birthday, I received a package from Pensacola. Inside it

I found a sweet, homemade birthday card from Christine.

Further down in the box I found a smaller box, also

homemade, and a label glued on one side, “Reason Why

I Love My Dad.” Inside this box were very small pieces of

paper and a single reason written on each piece:

“You took me out to Frosties at Wendy’s.”

“You played practical jokes on me.”

“You held me in the haunted house in Gatlinburg.”

“You discuss things with me and ask my opinion.”

“You watch the news and help me understand it.”

“You showed me what I want my husband to be like.”

Opening one each day and reading it lifted my heart more

than anyone will ever know. On some days, it was a

definite God-send.

3. The written word is a powerful tool in the hands of a Christian

sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

So much of what we enjoy from the Psalms comes as a result

of a sensitive man of God who wrote love letters and poems

to God.

D. By What We FEEL

1. Have you ever noticed how often in the New Testament Jesus

touched people?

Jesus put forth his hand and touched the leper saying,

“I will. Be thou clean.”

And immediately the leprosy was removed.

(Luke 5:13)

So He touched her hand, and the fever left her.

And she arose and served them.

(Matthew 8:15)

So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes.

And immediately their eyes received sight,

and they followed Him.

(Matthew 20:34)

He took him aside from the multitude,

and put His fingers in his ears,

and He spat and touched his tongue.

(Mark 7:33)

And he touched his ear and healed him.

(Luke 22:51)

2. There is a good and right and proper kind of touching. Our sinful,

perverted world has caused the innocent to look guilty, and so

expressions of love and concern must be guarded.

This is not to say we are go back to the New Testament’s

“holy kiss.” (I know Gwen would never buy into that one!)

But there is a way to touch people which communicates love,

warmth, and encouragement. Sometimes its putting your arm

around a brother or sister. Sometimes it’s a hug.

3. I remember the night Phil Ange came to our church to gather as

many supplies as he could carry in a rented U-Haul, to take back

to the flood victims of Hurricane Floyd. Parts of Greenville were

totally devastated by rising flood waters and washed out bridges.

The strain was evident on pastors like Brother Phil.

We were having revival services with Steve Roberson and Pastor

Phil came up to begin loading food, paper products, insect

repellent, and clothes. Following the service many of our church

men picked up boxes and bags of things and took them to the

U-Haul for Phil. When the last bag was in place and the door

shut to the truck, Phil turned around and faced those of us

who stood under the canopy. One-by-one he began to shake

hands and then hug the men who had helped him. “Please tell the

people thank you for me....and thank you for helping us.”

Everyone realized that a handshake wasn’t quite enough to express

what was in everyone’s heart. It took a brotherly hug to convey

our love to him and his people and for him to us.

It’s wondrous what a hug can do.

A hug can cheer you when you’re blue.

A hug can say, “I love you so,”

Or “I sure hate to see you go.”

A hug is, “Welcome back again!”

And, “Great to see you, where’ve you been?”

A hug can soothe a small child’s pain,

And bring a rainbow after rain.

The hug. There’s no doubt about it.