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But The Greatest Of These Is Love

Lesson #6

CHILDREN NEED CHEERLEADERS

Part 2

Intro

1. We are responsible to showing a Christ-like love to the people of this world.

a) We do this when we come to church and worship and serve others.

b) We do this when we go to work and try to be a godly influence for Christ

on-the-job.

c) And...we are to be the right kind of influence in the lives of little children

in our homes, in our classrooms, in our church.

2. Children need to be encouraged, perhaps, in our world today even more than YOU

need to be encouraged.

3. We are looking at four ways we can encourage children.

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#1. Focused Attention [review]

#2. Individual Affirmation [continue]

1. Each child needs to understand his uniqueness. He needs to know he is

special and unlike any other child God ever created.

2. Proverbs 22:6:

Train up a child in the way he should go

and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Remember the saying:

Rules without a relationship almost always lead to rebellion.

This is not a warning against having rules, but it is a warning against not

having a relationship that is effective.

Personally, as the son of a Navy-man I grew up under quite a few rules.

There were rules for everything: cleaning my bedroom, eating my Mom’s

meals, cleaning up the kitchen, working in the yard, cleaning the cars,

watching TV, listening to the radio, kinds of clothes for church, the

language we could us, the places we could go, the kinds of friends we

could have, the tone of voice I could use with my parents, the time I had

to study, the attitude shown to adults, the treatment of my brother and

sister... I’m telling you there were more rules than you can imagine.

As most of you know, my girls grew up under a lot of rules, too. Just

ask them if you don’t know. In fact, I would venture to say that they

grew up under MORE rules than I did. And both of them had their

strong-will bents; one was quiet and subtle, the other was more open

and determined.

Recently, at supper Kathleen made the statement to my wife and I, “You

know something, I wouldn’t trade our family for any family I know of.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“I see the families of some of my friends at RCA. Many of them don’t have

parents that really care for them, spend time with them like you do for us.”

I continued: “I bet they feel sorry for you. I bet they think you have a lousy

life, having to live with a strict principal and a strict Spanish teacher.”

She laughed and replied, “Yeah, they probably do, but I don’t care. I know

how much fun we have as a family. I love the things we do. I love the

talks we have. Nope, I wouldn’t trade with any of them.”

Now, I know we don’t have the best family around; believe me, Gwen’s

mistakes as a parent are too many to enumerate (okay, mine, too!... okay,

mine, mainly!). But we have tried to have what my parents gave to me---

a great relationship with our children. Not a brother-to-sister relationship, but a parent-to-daughter relationship.

If I could do some things over again as a parent, one of the main things I would do is to be more of an encourager to my girls individually, spend even more time with them. I’ve never heard a parent say, “I wish I hadn’t

spent quite so much time with my kids.”

I realize that our children will still make their own choices, but we can

have a godly influence on them and point them in the right direction.

This is what most of us underestimate.

It’s not the rules--- it’s the relationship. Let your children know how special they are to you and to God. You can have a lot of rules at home,

and, in fact, you really should have a long list! BUT it’s the relationship

with your children that over-rides the rules. Children know by how you

treat them individually and by how much time to take to be with them if

you really love them.

This is individual affirmation.

3. Consider the lyrics to a song by Brennan Bagwell and Scott Elkins:

She’s always been a good girl,

tried to please her mom and dad.

She practices her music

and does the best she can.

The preacher lays the law down,

better listen to the man.

Just worry about obeyin’

you don’t have to understand.

We’ve gotta give a reason,

in a way they understand.

Not opinion legislation that

drives our good kids bad.

The pressures and the changes

seem to multiply with time.

But the rules that she’s obeyin’

were never realigned.

Oh, but where’s the love they’re needing?

Where is the love they’re seeking?

They need our arms around them,

not the chains that only weaken.

She’s standing on the edge now,

her pretty face so sad.

We really shouldn’t wonder

why our good kids turn out bad.

She’s standing on the edge now

looking at the world.

Be careful how you push her.

You may lose your little girl.

#3. Genuine Appreciation

1. Steve Farrar tells a story about a Texas family who took genuine appreciation

a bit too far:

A lot of rich Texans went broken in the 1980s, but there are still a few

rich Texans left. One of them was recently talking to a banker in New

York. After several minutes of conversation, the Texan took a liking to

the New Yorker. “I’ve got a great idea,” he said. Why don’t I send my jet

up to New York this weekend to pick up you and your wife? We’d like

to have you join us at our son’s ranch outside of Austin. He’s got 100,000

acres of land stocked with quarter horses, purebred cattle, and exotic game.

Yep. I’m real proud of the boy. He earned it all by himself.”

“It sounds like your son has been very successful for a young man,”

replied the banker. “Just out of curiosity, how old is your son?”

“He’s eight,” replied the Texan.

“EIGHT!!??” said the banker. “How on earth did an eight-year-old

boy earn enough money to buy a ranch like that?”

“He got four A’s and one B,” replied the Texan.

2. While we may not show our children appreciation like this Texan, we can find

our own way to communicate our love in a way they will understand.

3. Some fathers seem to only notice that which is wrong in their children. The

Bible warns us (Colossians 3:21) not to provoke our children. That

means not to embitter our children. We might would say, “Stop

hassling your kids.”

4. Words are powerful weapons.

They can leave scars that last a lifetime or they can be moments of encouragement that strengthen for a lifetime.

Praise is one of the most under-used and under-rated tools in human

relationships. No wonder some kids rebel; it’s the only way they get

their parents to pay them any attention.

Our children need to hear parental praise often. They need to know,

“Dad is on my team; Mom’s on my team.”

5. Illustration: When Christine came home from college at Christmas in the

middle of her freshman year, I had just witnessed the dissolvement

of two Christian families. A husband leaving a wife, and a wife

leaving her husband and children. It truly bothered me that these

seemingly solid Christian families could be having such serious

problems---problems that were impacting their children.

I asked Christine to go with me for a brunch on one of my

Christmas vacation days, time just to talk about some things

that were bothering me.

Just the two of us went to IHOP and we ate together and then I just opened up. I told her that I knew there were times I really messed up as a parent. I told her I knew there were times I should have done exactly the opposite of what I ended up doing. I knew she saw. I knew she knew my blemishes and weaknesses. But I had to know

what was on the inside of her heart. Was she being real with God

right now in her life? Had my mistakes as a father affected her

in a way I wasn’t aware of? In spite of that (and you have no idea how hard that is to say over a fifteen minute period unless you’ve done that, too],

I wanted her to know how much I loved her and how proud of her I was.

I cried and she cried. We reaffirmed our love for each other and our

appreciation for the other’s life. She told me that she was genuinely

in a close relationship with God. It was a sweet time of being

totally vulnerable and honest with her. And it drew our hearts even

closer to one another.

I left that restaurant with a tremendous joy in my heart.

6. Tell your children on a regular basis how much you love them. Don’t just

say the words on the way out of the house or in the car, but tell

them individually how much you love them. Be their cheerleader all

the time.

#4. Physical Affection

1. The last thing out children need are cold and aloof parents. Loving your children

in only your heart is not enough. We must communicate that love in every

possible way.

2. Physical affection has its place in the home. Satan has taken that which God

meant for good and has twisted and perverted it. Hugging our kids is a

good way to show our love to them.

3. But there are other ways, too. One of the best ways to show our love is to

laugh with our children... I mean loud, boisterous laughing.

My kids can tell you of the many times we just laughed together. Some of

our times were really crazy; I think that’s true for most parents.

4. We had two great vacations with my girls when they were teenagers. When

they were in their early teens, we went to Orlando for a week of fun

at some of the theme parks. We had a great time.

The other vacation was a trip to Maine and Canada. For ten days

we were on the road together; sometimes we hiked trials, sometimes we

road the ferries, sometimes we went in museums, and it seems like we

were always riding in the car. We played games in the car; we laughed

so much that sometimes it hurt. We laughed at each other and we laughed

with each other. The girls will tell you that of the two vacations it was

the second trip they enjoyed the most, because we had so many fun times

with just the four of us.

*******

Remember our opening illustration last week of Matthew?

The Conclusion to Our Story On Matthew:

The car seat flew off the roof and hit the road and was sliding down the highway almost as fast as the cars were coming towards it. An antique dealer named James Boothby was following the Murray car when he saw the whole event unfold. He saw young Matthew sail off the roof and hit the road.

He said:

I saw something in the air. At first I thought someone had thrown some garbage out the window. Then I saw it and thought it was a doll. Then the doll opened its mouth, and I realized this was a little baby. It just landed on the road. It bounced a couple of times, and it never tipped over. It just landed on the road and slid along a bit. I slammed on my car brakes and turned my car around in the lane so that other cars could go by. I jumped from the car, and I ran and found an uninjured baby in an undamaged car seat, and scooped him up in my arms and took him back and gave him to his petrified father.

1. That story has to be a grade-A miracle as anything you and I will ever experience. I believe God wants to intervene in our families like He did in this baby’s life.

But He probably is not going to do something that spectacular. The more

likely way is that he wants to change our families by changing us. In changing the kind of person I ought to be, I will change the kind of parent I ought to be.

2. How can you become a cheerleader, an encourager, in children’s lives?

¨ Focused Attention - giving them our time and making them a top priority.

¨ Individual Affirmation - accepting and encouraging their unique personalities and traits.

¨ Genuine Appreciation - looking for the good instead of the bad and being on their team.

¨ Physical Affection - letting them know, in ways they can feel that they’re important.